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WOW THAT “THE MIDDLE” SONG IS TERRIBLE

zedd

I’ve been haunted the last few months by a terrible spectre. It’s been following me everywhere I go, insinuating itself into every public situation, making my dick softer and softer. It means I can’t have sex with my wife so I’ll never have babies. This track is so bad that it made the ocean rise 2 meters. I speak of course of Zedd’s hit summer song “The Middle”.

This song is objectively terrible. The Nazis were objectively terrible. Liking this song is like you like the Nazis. Congrats you’re in jail now.

In all seriousness tho, this track is one of those tracks where when I first heard it, I was like “what is this load of garbage?” and then shazamed it immediately so I could know who to hate. I thought it was a Chainsmokers track initially. They’re society’s goto for steaming hot piles of white people garbage music. Shazam told me that Zedd made it (promounced zed-d). I can’t tell you any Zedd track names aside from this particular one. All I know is that: 1. he exists, 2. his music is terrible. Oh by the way here is the track in case you want to ruin your day:

This type of track is for people who basic people call basic. This track is like having missionary sex and eating vanilla ice-cream at the same damn time. It’s that bland. It’s aggressively bland even. This is like when there is that person at work you had a conversation with once and now you have to chat with them every time you see them but it’s excruciating. People who voted for Trump listen to this track. The people who like this track would totally snitch. They would give away your whole operation to the authorities. The people who like this track would be the type of people who would surrender to an enemy in battle and then give away your position. This track is a ho. But not a cool “you go get it girl!” ho.

Sure, this is an earworm. It’s playing in my head right now, fuelling this vitriol I’m spewing at you. That doesn’t make it good. If it was good it would make me happy. I’d be talking about how much I love the world and how much I care about everyone. Having this track in your head is like when you have something that you remember you have to do but you’re not doing it and with each passing moment you know you are failing other people and yourself but you’re still not doing it and trying to distract yourself with other activities but you can’t enjoy those activities because you still have that thing that you’re not doing in the back of your mind. This track is a vibe killer.

There is no defending this. This track is the wrong side of history.

PS Also the Zedd and Diplo feud is the whitest, cis-est beef to happen in history. It’s like two micro penises having a flaccid sword fight after getting drunk on Bud Light limes.

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